Laziness- What we lose

Let me talk of myself, how I gained control over laziness. Not to justify that I rank myself to the perfection, but manageable within a restorative trace. And the fact, whether we are good or bad we are always overcome by doubts upon oneself, and craving for the next step.

The question first started from the praying habits and time, whereby I initially spent hours sitting, reciting and contemplating, but then the things changed slowly, not immediately. I realized shifting of my set timing; it is okay, will just stop here and do the full tomorrow. That night before going to the bed, will have a little fear in my mind, oh, tomorrow I have to make up by any means, so will wake early. Next morning, the lazy heart again gains an excuse, humhh... okay whatever I gain through, and I will guarantee the completion this evening session. Continued...

Similarly, when my wife was out of station, for kitchen works, a gush of energy propels me up to the kitchen, fresh and enthusiastic. I do my cooking and other accessory job with full determination, not letting in any shadow of laziness. After eating is done, then I start piling the utensils in the basin for cleaning. I touch one or so for cleaning, then a little shadow creeps my mind, and my hand gets little heavier. I drop the utensils softly onto the same basin, not finished even applying the detergent; oh it is okay, I will do in the evening when I come for preparing my dinner, casual but carefree, my attention realized, yet without realization - the person then and in the evening will be no different than myself. That time, I strongly remember a proverb often recited by my parents- preserve food and it goes to others, preserve work and it comes to yourself, but this all goes in vain again, no vigour to withstand the height of laziness.

Forgetting all, I quickly rush out of kitchen, getting refreshed and directly go to the sitting room to relax, pulling remote for browsing some interesting channels. That ends the pain of piled work until next visit. But I never get lazy to snip into my blankets before 9:30 pm, with strong determination that I will have to wake up early. It was even at 4 am or so that I was disciplined to wake up and sit for prayers and visualizations when I first joined my station at Zhemgang.

Early next dawn, the same habit continued, somehow managing myself with whatever was on my way. With repeated triggering factor in my brain, first for the laziness, and then for what makes me lazy, one day, I had a chance to ask one of my friend, a Buddhist practitioner, what exactly is this so called laziness. He explained so, in a very simplified but effective way- it is all your negative energy, playing with yourself, and for this, no external force can help you, rather you have equally strong positive energy within you, just recognize that and let the two fight, but you keep vigilance over both and come out with your own conclusion, and remember that both of these energies are none other than your own self, so you choose yourself which one should be in your favor. I realized then, that I wasn’t wrong to say I was wrong, and with same continuity, I am right to say now that I am right. Just means that comfort is not to be favored so much, as it has the intoxicating agent on its head to drag us along and put into habits, and the other, to fill my stomach i have to eat myself, seldom would my belly fill with food eaten by others.

What was interesting thereafter, I started focusing on more than what was said, started digging out its meaning; suppose, I want to see some beautiful things again and again, I wanted to listen the soothing music again and again, on the other hand, laziness sufficed me to be a pseudo comforting friend every moment, I then recognized myself through proper analysis; what kind of emotion is the laziness, is it sweet, bitter, pleasant, so on. And suppose I couldn’t do the set work then and there, will that comfort remain tomorrow as well? It wasn’t so, today’s comfort or discomfort lasts for today only, and the tomorrow comes with the fresh one, to say that habit remains to bring in same emotion.

I started committing to do all the activities then and there, completing everything, slowly gaining comfort over it.

Finally, supposing to be having the charm of gaining laziness is not going to favor us tomorrow, but will come in the form of habit, worsening oneself, and for addressing such issues, we need some strength to ignite the energy of enthusiasm time and gain so that it too becomes the habit.

Now I rejoice being myself.